Extracts from the Commentarius

The Wise Fool

Strafford, a man of extremely sharp wits, who had sucked politics in with his mother’s milk, never seems to have made a worse decision than when he travelled to England from Ireland, where he had not only been safe from the rebels of Scotland and England, but even struck fear into the hearts of his enemies. When he was about to sail from Dublin to England, his fool, Jacob, impudently asked him: “Thomas (he said), where are you going?” And Strafford answered, “To England, I think.” “You are the best of thinkers,” replied the fool. “But get another head for yourself on this occasion, because the one you have will perhaps not be yours.” With these apt absurdities, he warned him not to sail to England, where he was to lose his head.

Commentarius Rinuccinianus, volume 1, 363

A strange meal at Mellifont November 1641

The Catholics who were about to attack them drew up their cavalry and lancers on the hilltop at Mellifont on 25 November 1641, and others from among the infantry soon captured this magnificent building, with several dead on both sides. Then, when the Irish were gathering at the doors, the defending knights suddenly threw open the gate in terror and fled for their lives. As for the rest, the minister, Bernard, whom I tend to believe to be unjust towards the Irish, says that it was thirteen Catholics that died in that conflict, and that these were buried near the church by some religious man, I do not know whom, out of charity, and that at least another forty who were wounded were conveyed to Drogheda by cart by this pseudo-clergy of theirs, who led their lives in such a habitual manner of charity as is never met with among the heretics, unless it is feigned, because they cannot risk being seen to exhibit it. That pseudo-clergy religious man, however, since he had had his revenge on the heretics in this way, would not even have begun to desecrate their church or graves, had such acts of desecration not already been perpetrated to a worse degree. Furthermore, this Bernard, whose testimony must be distrusted by all Catholics, especially the Irish, on matters concerning their reputation, adds that the victors ran through a certain noble man, older than eighty years, when he had already opened his wine cellar, and served wine to the victors, who had already taken possession of everything, and shown himself compliant in all things. Another pitiful old man, this one a blind doorkeeper there, who was in no way about to resist, they also struck down. They slit the throat of another, who was nearly as weakened by age, and in their eagerness to discover money, destroyed the flooring and panelling in many rooms. They pulled the stuffing out of cushions so that they could more easily make off with the cushion covers. They carried away tapestries and other ornaments that they were able to move; tore apart all the covers of chairs and benches, many of which were most exquisite; they smashed a closet of glasses with cudgels, and also dishes for sweetmeats, and various empty sauce boats; they carried off abundant provisions, made off with herds of cattle and stud horses, threshed a granary of great value for their own use, robbed the women of their very clothes, turned the heretics’ church into a shibeen, smashed the pulpit, this seat of pestilence, and the benches, threw the heretical bible of that church, which Calvinists had sent as a gift, in the millstream, and broke the very bell to pieces. Whatever they were unable to remove, they destroyed, causing at least two thousand English pounds’ worth of damage to Moore. Their behaviour was such that in the middle of their plundering, they used to call the defeated Englishmen curs, harlots, and had on them the tattoos of Thracian savages. After their departure, a more unruly band of farmers, tenants and neighbours arrived, who, once they had searched everything, carried off the iron and bronze implements, and even the bolts of the doors and windows, so that this building, which had previously been so very splendid and rich in ornaments, was in the space of one day turned into a place which the Lord anathematised. Several of the victors then cut open a basket of the most exquisite flowers, mostly tulips which were growing at the windows, and other containers of similar bulbs. They did not doubt that these, being so well arranged, were yet another kind of delicacy, and thus ate them with butter, with the result that they believed themselves poisoned for the next seven days, and blamed the heretics; they did not doubt for a moment that the latter had left this poisonous food there, eager to plot against their very lives.

Commentarius Rinuccinianus